AICN Forum Quotes Page 4

Ozymandius 9/99
"You're quite the sweet-talker, Mart."

Mean Mart 9/99
"Why thank you...you female? Me male. We get together? If you female. Well, we could get together if you male. But it would be purely friendy-type things. Different story if you female, though. Where Thea?"

Ozymandius 9/99
"Homo erectus, no doubt. Sorry to disappoint you, Mart, but I am a phallus-bearer as well. Of course, I like to think of myself as the open-minded type, so let's hear what you got, big boy? Don't be a bore now and go ruining that sexy macho caveman facade with the inevitable homophobia. I'm sure my rump is just as succulent as this Thea character, whomever she is."

Mean Mart 9/99 "" "���
������ !

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Ozymandius 9/99

Ah, if only problems could be solved by popping in a disk and doing some kareoke. (Biddle)

"Don't knock it til you've tried it, Mr. Biddle. I particularly find when life's given this old Ozy a square kick in the hindquarters, I throw in Andy Gibb's "I just want to be your everything," prince and preen around the room in a silk shirt unbuttoned to the navel (exposing my milky white chest) and invariably experience what the Buddhists would call "satori."

Enlightenment could be just a button-push away."

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Ogbin 9/99
"I dare anyone to watch 'Imitation Of Life' and 'The Champ' back to back on a Sunday afternoon."

Mean Mart 9/99
"You're on."

Ogbin 9/99
"Okay, when the ordeal is over, send us a post and tell us how you feel."

Mean Mart 9/99
"Ok...I watched "The champ" first and offered myself a 15 minute intermission which lasted 12 minutes as the kettle was put on by somebody else during the end credits of champ so that knocked a few minutes off, thank god. I got my tea and buttered brown bread, made my way back to the telly. In went Imitation and I watched that till it finished. END CREDITS. I waited. I waited. I waited. NOTHING. I stood up and went to walk out the door and all of a sudden I broke wind. Amazing."

Ratty 9/99
"Poetic.

Maybe this will be the start of "AICN Dare Thread!" For instance: I dare someone to watch all the Friday the 13th movies back to back next weekend. That's right, even "Jason Goes to Hell."

Come this time (Sunday aft.) next week, let's hear what you have to say for yourself. If you can do it, you earn a) my admiration and b) my sympathy.

GO FOR IT!"

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FR02 9/99
"I found these at a little page, I sniggered. Enjoy:


1. Failing to receive approval to train Anakin as a Jedi, Qui-Gon wisely enrolls the boy in acting classes.

2. A gang of ewoks easily kicking Jar Jar's sorry ass.

3. Over three hundred hours of VoyeurCam footage from Natalie Portman's dressing room.

4. Mace Windu shooting Obi-Wan right in the fucking face.

5. Yoda's prolonged shower sequence.

6. The scene where Amidala tells Qui-Gon that she wants to be a Jedi, and Qui-Gon gives her his lightsaber and says "You wanna be a Jedi? Here, take it. It's a goodbye gift. Go fight the Dark Side. But not with me. I work alone, understand? Alone." and she's all "Bonnie and Clyde didn't work alone. Han and Chewie didn't work alone. And they were the best." Yeah.

7. George Lucas rolling around in a pile of money and his own feces, laughing.

8. The cgi-animation of Midi-Clorians doing an adorable "Flubber" dance sequence.

9. The scenes which contained the story, motivation, characterization and overall quality."

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Cigar 9/99

"I remember when I was in Grade 6, I was so fanatical about Star Wars I would just tune out in class some days. Seriously, I would turn my pen into some kind of Imperial Cruiser, and my erasers would be starships, and I would just re-enact scenes from the movie while my teacher droned on about fractions and shit. Battlestar Galactica started that fall, so I had Cylons and Starbucks and Apollos to throw into the mix as well ... I would envision Galactica world meeting the Star Wars world, and the cool chaos that would ensue.
Whether my teachers or classmates noticed, I don't know ... but man, I must have looked like such a fucking idiot. I should have kicked my own ass."

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Cheesy Bitch 9/99
"Okay, how about the really annoying copout of a dream sequence which was, the whole of NORTH.

Basically the whole film turned out to be a dream, and a big steaming turd of a one too, with the possibly exception of yummy Bruce Willis in his lovely bunny suit! That, I LIKED!"

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Swordfish 9/99
"That, my friend is the question men have been asking since they first dragged women back to the caves....and still no-one knows the answer.
Who knows what women think? They ought to run college courses in the subject. They are a crazy bunch and operate without any form, logic, predictability or sense.
But as long as they can cook, clean and look good in a swimsuit then I am prepared to put up with their mental deficiencies." (Swordfish soon took ill after this post, we assume his lovely wife started to slowly poison him)

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"Mean" Mart 9/99
"Is cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesy that bad? I haven't been here for a while. I remember when she first came...all her posts had this strange screeching and scratching sound emerging whenever I opened one of them but that was about it.

Hey, is there anywhere on the net I can download some nudy pics of her?"

The Cheesy Bitch 9/99
"Yes. most porn sites have one or two, you just have to know where to look.
I may smell, but I'm nice!"

Swordfish 9/99
"try www.girlsdoingnastythingswithhaggis.com"

The Cheesy Bitch 9/99
"I'd recommend that one also, but I believe my personal best is
www.hairyarsedwomenwithwarts.com"

Swordfish 9/99
"Great....just what we need...a female Ron Jeremy..."

The Cheesy Bitch 9/99
"Who?"

Thingummy(1 bloody g) 9/99
"http://members.aol.com/kermy88888/Page1.html
is cheesy's actual site - no nudes, as far as I can tell, though if you turn the monitor upside down, perhaps her clothes will fall off, like on those pens they sell in souvenir shops."

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Chapchan 9/99

("Wow, three days of posting and already I've gotten the honor of being considered a "regular!" If only real life worked that way." Ozymandius)

I refuse to accept you as a regular. I still miss Ilford, what ever happened to him?

Anyway, I have my reasons why i will not accept you:

1. You have not picked a fight with anybody. A true regular is one who fights back and then has the decency to stay instead of running away like a little girl.

2. 3 days? Jeesh, at least make it a week.

3. That damn pig. Sure I like the concept of a pig flying, but it looks so sad. If I was a pig and I could fly, i would have the biggest grin on my face possible.

4. I don't get your name.

So there are the silly and pointless reasons why I will change from being the hall monitor to the staunchy old guy. (Filmex is the festive old guy.) I will now say, "Harumph!" a lot.

Ozymandius 9/99

Far be it from me to demand acceptance. I'm with you all the way. I'm not worthy. But how can you say I haven't picked a fight? My Kubrick post seemed to rile Filmex up, and in the Star Wars thread I equated Jedis with Jews and the Dark Side of the force with Christianity. Offending the religious sensibilities of one-third of the world's population must count for something.

As to my name, Fafhrd got it, and I explained it down on the Tim Robbins thread. It's the name of a poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley. (And also the name of a comic book character, which is actually where he knew it from, but gotta give the guy credit nonetheless.)

Anyway, like "ChapChan" isn't a bit esoteric? I'm a assuming it's a combination of the two Charlies, but I fully expect to be wrong.

3. That damn pig. Sure I like the
concept of a pig flying, but it looks so
sad. If I was a pig and I could fly, i
would have the biggest grin on my face
possible.

Point noted. How do you feel about dancing elephants?